The Gnome Ponders

Should you write what you feel or should you feel what you write?
Does that even make sense? I don’t know and I feel that lately I have come to a crossroads in my life regarding my future. I have never been an overachiever or wanted to be the centre of attention but I won’t lie that there are times when I feel like there is more to me that what I currently am. Am I a late-bloomer? Is my fifteen minutes of fame right around the corner? Do I even want fifteen minutes of fame? On the surface there may seem more to me to other people but deep down I know there isn’t. I am not special or exceptionally talented in any way. I am coming to terms with this and I am realizing that my time to shine passed long ago and now I have to concentrate at making my life “liveable”. I have to learn to make it on my own without the constant help of my parents who are way too indulgent to me. I have to grow and learn and go away to find my bliss. Does that mean leaving my world behind, as I always thought it did? No, I think I am learning that taking a break from life as I know it can all happen in my mind. I need to focus on where I am now and look at all that I am dissatisfied with and try to find solutions to my problems. I need to focus. I need to find my happiness, even if it may not be superstardom. I have often wavered between dreams of adventure and a life of tranquility. Is there a meeting point of the two? I want to be seen and heard but not noticed. I am afraid of people and what they think of me and yet there are times when I live the way I want without caring how people perceive me.
In essence, what is my point? I believe there’s a reason to everything in the world and I may not think it’s God will but I think that everyone has a destiny and there are no mistakes in why we do certain things and why we meet certain people at various points in our lives. I think we meet the right people at the right time and vice versa. There is a reason why we do the things we do, even if they are stupid and ill-advised. We learn from everything we do and everyone we meet. The hard part is making sense of all the information we have and turning it into something that helps us evolve.